"How do you think I feel?"
On 6. April 2026 I woke up with an unusually low mood and with an overwhelming lack of motivation to do anything whatsoever. I had gone through periods of very low mood and depression in the quite distant past - so this highly unpleasant and uninvited 'visitor' from my unwanted past had somehow got in, to try and torment me again! Fear started creeping in as I knew from the previous experiences, there was not a lot I could do against it when it had happened previously! I was trying to figure out if there was any natural causes for this but I couldn't' find anything to hang my hat on!
Sounds familiar? You might be going through something similar or you may know someone who is - please don't give up, there is hope!
Sometimes God speaks though tough situations you are going through...
After having felt so awful all day, I really had to do something about it! I couldn't carry on a minute longer under this burden, so I went for my usual walk around the block. As I was walking and desperately trying to find a way out, I poured my heart out to God explaining how useless I felt, and how useless I felt my life was altogether (sad, I know...wasn't pretty!) but I know, THAT EXACT thought provoked what came next:
"How do you think I feel?"
This question both startled and surprised me:
"What???"; "How do You mean?" ..."What do You mean?" ..."But HOW?" ; "Surely not!??!" ...
"But You are God, the ALMIGHTY GOD!!! You cannot possibly feel like this?!"
As I was questioning Him, next thing I knew was, I was flooded with a download of information which had never even crossed my mind!
The Lord continued:
"My people don't need me!
My people are self-sufficient.
My power is not required - it goes to waste...unwanted.
My people don't require me, they already have everything."
These words stopped me in my tracks - WOW!! Bulls eye!!!
I felt the weight behind it all....WE ARE MISSING OUT on the miraculous as we don't seek it! We are not desperate to see God move in those who cannot be helped through natural ways... When His people are not seeking Him for anything, not relying on Him and are satisfied with their lives, BUT lacking His power, miracles and spiritual gifts and HIS BEST He has for them... I felt God's sadness touch something very deep inside me.
To put it in human terms: He feels rejected because He needs an invite!!
I cried and repented... I NEED TO PRAY BIGGER PRAYERS!!!
Then, what happened next, lifted me out of my 'pit' - His prophesy over me! God saw me in my lowest and He came and lifted me out with these words:
"YOUR LIFE IS NOT A WASTE -> YOUR LIFE IS A PROPHESY!
It's a prophesy to my people -> ask me and I will give!
Seek for me, and I will answer!
Do not rely on your own understanding and I can be made powerful in your life.
YOU ARE NOT USELESS!!!
YOUR LIFE IS NOT USELESS!
IT SPEAKS VOLUMES ABOUT MY BRIDE.
YOUR LIFE IS A PROPHESY!"
The not knowing feels more uncomfortable than sitting on a hedgehog
The feeling of uselessness would not be possible (in my case anyway) when we have a well-paying job and/or validation we need from people around us in this life... Feeling of self-reliance will hinder us from trusting our lives 100% fully to God.
I am writing my story here, but yours might be completely different but it may resonate with you too? Maybe you have lost that well-paying job which was a 'God-send' at a time? Maybe you have lost all interest in things that used to keep you going? Maybe you too, have come to that place of unknown (where I am currently patiently sitting), and you are apprehensively wondering "where do I go from here?"... This place feels more uncomfortable than sitting on a hedgehog!
Maybe this is the message God is sending to you today:
"Ask me and I will help you! Allow me to help you! Do not rely on your own understanding, trust that I know what is best for you!"
God's perspective
All through my life, whenever I have felt like the new season is approaching, I have lost the grace and interest in things that are of the previous season. That has always been the first indicator that something is changing. Through the years and all of those changes, I have learnt one sure thing: God has always brought something BETTER into my life as a result, than what I had and where I was before! Regardless of how scary and uncomfortable that place is right now, I KNOW that He would ONLY allow the uncomfortable periods to bring SOMETGHING BETTER into my life!
God will use our lowest points to show us a better way - He knows how to grab our attention! So often that comes through tough times in our lives as only then we will turn to our Creator to seek for help....
Any way He can have us relying on Him, is better than us relying on our own wisdom. This adds another layer of understanding to the following verse in the bible:
God is waiting for us to turn to Him and give Him all that we have, to seek Him with all of ourselves - to trust Him that He really DOES KNOW what He is doing!
God is eager to show ALL of His goodness to those who seek Him!
Why does He have to look so hard? Because if there was plenty of us, He wouldn't have to look so hard... God is desperate to show His goodness to those who LET HIM! Those who seek Him and ask for Him to work in their lives.
PRAYER
Father God, I come to You to ask for forgiveness: I am sorry that I haven't trusted You fully with everything. I ask that You could please show me the way forward - I really want to trust You with everything in my life. I want to pray bigger prayers - I do not want to limit You, the limitless, Almighty God!! I choose to side with You and I will turn away from darkness by choosing to believe and say what You say over me. Holy Spirit please come and show me when I speak out of alignment with You - I give You permission to speak into every area of my life where I might be hindering Your work. In Jesus' name! Amen.
